BACK TO UDO TOON'S
Example of Request to be recognized as a WHOMP!)
To: King Head Honcho, Chief & Section Leader of ALL WHOMPS!
Request for initial certification as a qualified member of the Royal
Order Of Whomp! under the terms and conditions contained in the by-laws.
Request submitted by Udo Fischer, alias Krazy Kraut, on 14 November 1997.
Justification: The very loudly perceived sound of WHOMP! ‹ extending far
beyond the target, the minimum 25 yard distance and the spectators' area
was the result of a very hard parachute landing 5 June 1954 on an
improvised LZ at Zambowanga, Philippine Islands.
Udo Fischer was designated to make a single-stick exit as a wind-dummy
from a SA-16 ARS aircraft of the 31st ARS for a parachuting demonstration
to a congregation of about 300 local residents. The glorious jumpmaster,
TSgt Hawkeye, had lost sight of the spotter chute (drifted beyond the
horizon), and since there was no other spotter chute available, Udo was to
be the wind-dummy to determine, if it would be feasible to have other
jumpers aboard follow later on. Udo, using an E-1 parachute, was kicked
out by Hawkeye after a very s-l-o-w count of at least 'Twenty-Five' past
the target (Note: the tactic of using a very slow count was not only an
effective CYA method, but also was to fool the pilot, making him think,
it's safe to jump).
Haweye's precision counting and estimation was perfect: Udo headed
straight for the target panel, manned by TSgt. John L. Hennessey.
However, the speed at which Udo traveled made the objects on the ground
appear as lightning streaks. While descending, Udo remembered the message
he was to give to John from Hawkeye: "Read you five square!" Reason: In
the aircraft all of John's URC-4 transmission were heard, but John
received nothing on his mickey mouse radio. So, Udo was prepared to make
a perfect PLF, right smack onto the target. However, he was slammed so
hard onto the ground that he lost consciousness.
Then, shortly after John had the chute collapsed, keeping the Kraut from
dragging any farther, Udo came back momentarily and recognized John. He
delivered the message as instructed: "READ YOU FIVE SQUARE!" Then
blackened out again. John was dumbfounded at first, then broke out
Needless to state, there were no more brave jumpers to follow Udo's trick
of the day. Udo didn't hear it, but he swears to this day that Hawkeye
and the other jumpers aboard must have laughed their ass off after John
pulled the panel, dancing and hollering, "Hurrah, hurrah, the @#X@*@#
Kraut busted his ass!"
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